I attend IEP meetings on a regular basis, as both a parent and a professional. I have the utmost respect for the vast majority of the other professionals at the table. Teachers, therapists and administrators are working hard to balance the needs of the group with the needs of the individual. Sometimes, I feel heard and respected at the table. But, I sometimes notice a disconnect on the team. The family and the school personnel are adversaries rather than partners. Misunderstandings and defensive postures are common with rivals.

As someone who deals in language and semantics every day, I think we can go a long way toward understanding  by choosing our words carefully in conversation. I have cringed to hear quite a few words in IEP meetings--docile, unimaginative, waste. By far the most common cringe-worthy word, however, is compliance. When I sit at a meeting representing a child, particularly a child with behavior issues, the words "compliant" or "non compliant" are often used to describe the child.

"He is compliant in therapy."  "She is non compliant with using her iPad use."   "She is so compliant in gym class."

I do understand this is academic jargon. But, think for a minute about the parents sitting on the other side of the table.

Is your dearest wish, as a parent, for your child to grow up to be "compliant"?  When you imagine your young child's future, do you smile to think of them mindlessly completing tasks assigned by others?  Or do you wish other things: independence, curiosity, passion, friendship, accountability, creativity, options?

Please consider that the family of the special needs child in front of you may hold those same dreams for their child. Your choice of words can close minds or open dialogue.

What words have made you cringe in IEP meetings? What words would you like to hear instead? Share your thoughts at Facebook.com/CircleSpeech